Thursday, 26 May 2011

When I am Queen

A lot of the time, during meetings, whilst driving, when listening to certain people etc, I like to drift into "Me" time and spend a moment or two thinking about how things would be so much better if I was either:

A) Very Rich B) bestowed with incredibly cool powers by God and allowed to be a Superhero C) The Queen

Today though, I'm thinking more about being a Queen.

Did you know that Queen Elizabeth II  has the power to do the following:

Send letters without putting stamps on them - over here, they would just get stolen

Drive without taking a driving test - which isn't particularly exciting as I'm pretty sure half the people on the roads in SA do that already

Refuse to give evidence in court as they are her courts - Again, this is done all the time by certain government officials

Re-possess any plot of land within the United Kingdom - I'll take Surrey, Bath and the Lake District please

Give as many honours, medals and knighthoods away as she wishes

Dismiss the government - What an amazing idea.

Pardon any (or all) prisoners in her jails

Declare war on another country as the armed forces are at her command - Now this would be very handy especially as an act of revenge against annoying family members or two-faced friends.

To be honest, not all of it is very exciting. I was expecting more advantageous motions. Which is why I would like to proposition myself as a new Queen of the World. And with my new found power I would:

  • Make Fridays part of the weekend. No body likes a 2 day weekend.

  • Make every second Monday of the Month Cupcake Monday and by law, companies have to provide their employees with an infinite supply of cupcakes.

  • Bring back Nativities in schools because everyone should have a chance to be a sheep, an angel or a Wise Man.

  • Make Ben n' Jerrys available World Wide

  • Ban men from wearing make up - it's just plain freaky deaky

  • Fund research into flying carpets thus clearing up congestion problems

  • Ban smoking. Full stop

  • Be-rid the world of Kardashians, Lady GaGa and reality stars who think people give a damn about what they eat/wear/say/who they are dating or who is a glam fairy or not. Oh and those annoying Teen Cribs people and Sweet 16 kids would be locked away in a hole in Siberia.

Obviously there are the important and global issues I would address, free housing, education, hospitals, removal of weapons and the sterilisation of ignorant, racist, bigoted and nasty people. And i'm also pretty certain that someone should be ordered to make a calorie free chocolate brownie that tastes divine!

Hmmm, a lot of my laws center around food.

What would you do if you were Queen?


No comments:

Post a Comment