Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Twi-hard

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The problem with Twilight is...everything. I fail to comprehend how someone can write such utter tripe and have the world go crazy for it. Perhaps that is jealousy speaking because I wrote nonsense like that when I was 12 and I obviously should have got it published.

Yesterday I watched Breaking Dawn and spent the majority of it wanting to throw my popcorn at the screen. I am truly dumbfounded that someone could invent a character like Bella. If you haven't watched it yet then don't read anymore because I am prepared to rant.

Bella has a permanent look which is a mix between wanting to vomit and cry hysterically.
Edward's top lip is constantly curled as if he has just smelt something nasty.
Jacob is an arrogant penis who doesn't understand that Bella is now married and he should really learn how to walk without that weird limp as though he has been anally probed.

However, I think my main concern is with the twisted 3 way relationship that is just so messed up. A one point in the movie, Bella tells Jake (in front of her husband) that she is now complete because he is here. Really? Edward, you need to take that giant tampon out and grow a pair. That isn't the worse part, Bella wants to choose the baby name based on a combination of Ed and Jake's names. What the hell? Who writes this stuff?
Is that what we are wanting young girls all over the world to aspire to, to have a husband and a bit on the side. What's more, Bella is the most miserable person ever thought of yet she has two guys fighting over her.....where did I go wrong? Obviously the trick is to appear suicidal and depressed and guys will be falling at your feet.

What are everyone's thoughts, because I know there are fans out there.

2 comments:

  1. i think i've finally found someone who hates Twilight more than me. Cudo's !

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  2. Haha this is amazing! Couldn't agree more with you cousin :) ...especially about the anal probing! (NOMES X)

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