Monday, 7 November 2011

What they don't tell you about men


I've been sharing a closely confined space with my husband for just other 8 months now. It has been a serious learning curve for both of us. We're very independent and I'm incredibly stroppy so you can imagine some of the arguments. I'd like to just state though that most of those arguments really aren't my fault but are rather a bi-product of the nuances of living with a man. They really don't warn you about this stuff:

1) Men don't understand cleanliness unless it is related directly to their bodies. For instance, Mr H is a shower freak but give him a mop and he starts gulping like a fish and breaking out in a cold sweat. Ask him to sweep and holy cow we've got paralysis. However, and I'm quick to add this, he does the garbage, cleans the bathroom like a pro and the balcony is so neat and tidy I could eat off the tiles.
2) I occasionally leave my half drunk cups of green tea around. Mr H occasionally doesn't put a new toilet roll by the loo. Which is worse, may I ask, a tea bag or the awkward, pants around ankles, hobble to the cupboard?
3) The second shelf of our fridge is purely for beers. I once tried to place some chocolate there. Once.
4) Mr H likes to fall asleep in front of the TV. I like to fall asleep in bed, like a normal person. This leads to Mr H staggering into bed way after I have fallen into a blissful slumber which is then rudely disturbed by the removal of my duvet and the sudden appearance of an extra head on MY pillow.
5) Meat. Need I say more....perhaps I should, people may get the wrong idea. Ok, our freezer is a shrine to about 5 different dead animals. Meat plays a huge role in most guy's lives.
6) Where once I had complete reign to watch all the trashy TV I liked (Gossip Girl included), I now sit through Golf tournaments and programs on how things are made. Do I really need to know how they make tin cans?
7) Braai time. An almost religious encounter for men. I'm quite happy to indulge in this as long as there is a salad somewhere.
8) They don't half complain about 'space'. So what if I have more shelves than you and the cupboard houses more of my clothes. I have more items than you therefore I should get more space than you. It's just common sense. I swear, if I gave Mr H more room he would literally have nothing to fill it with and he'd just be getting a kick from staring at white empty shelving. That totally goes against my ecological nature.

3 comments:

  1. love it!! Now I know what to expect when I marry Jake Gyllenhaal one day :)

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  2. My boy is obsessed with those "how things are made" shows. I once had to sit through a man telling me how spades were made. Spades.

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