Tuesday, 13 March 2012

How to survive...


Shopping together as a couple can be a nightmare of note. The female party usually has a range of stores that she needs to visit and re-visit whilst the male knows exactly where he wants to go thus making the trip for him a prolonged hell. Mr H is fortunate in that I loathe shopping with anyone. For me, the thought of being with someone makes me want to kill myself as I am constantly worrying whether they are okay and if they need the loo or a sit down or a drink etc. I love to shop by myself, less guilt and no disapproving looks of 'Oooh, ouch, your thighs don't like that.' This means that Mr H and I rarely go shopping but if we do, we make it a fun occasion so that neither party feels bored or suicidal.
Here's a few handy tips to surviving the shopping trips together:

1) Imitate Mannequins. Whenever you pass a shop window with a mannequin in it, you must do that pose until you come to another figure. The best poses are the ones where you have to squat-walk whilst awkwardly holding your hands on your hips.
2) Pretend you don't know each other. Head to La Senza or another lingerie shop, at a different time, and pick up something saucy. Randomly ask your man (whom you are pretending you don't know) whether it looks nice and then model it for him in the changing room. Buy it or leave it but make sure you exit the shop separately.
3) Get a Cinnabon. Nothing passes the time like munching on sweet, sickly goodness.
4) Take a nap. Find a House & Home or another furniture store, choose a couch, sleep.
5) Ask him to pick out an outfit. If you are clothes shopping, the bane of any man's life, make him more a part of it by telling him that if he is patient, he can pick any outfit, be it lingerie, for you to try on. Whatever it is, wear it with pride for him.
6) Play away the stress. Head to a Musica or a Look & Listen and go to the gaming section. Spend 5-10 mins kicking his ass on one of their demo games. He'll be too gutted to whinge about the rest of the shopping trip.
7)  Get in trouble. I used to do this with a friend (it's probably the reason why we don't shop together anymore), I would take a pair of pants - the ones on a hanger - and secretly attach it to her person. She would walk around the shop not knowing about it until the security guard went a bit bat sh!t crazy on her. Perhaps a little harsh but it's funnier doing it to a guy.

Monday, 12 March 2012

The trouble with relationships


I should narrow the title down to, the trouble with marriage, as that's where I'm at now. Don't get me wrong though, I love being Mrs H and I have been so blessed in being with such a superb manly specimen however, whilst it is amazing, there are a few downsides:

1) They make you fat. Before I was in a relationship, I was anal about food. Now, I've hit that comfortable plateau whereby I look at a cake and think 'he loves me for me', then I eat the whole thing.
2) They make you haughty. 'Ooooh look at me with my partner', says the couple as they parade their love around and make sickening puckering noises as they eat each others necks. Yes, I do that.
3) They make you lazy. Gone are the days of keeping my legs eternally smooth and my hair hasn't seen a straightener in months.
4) They bring with them new 'friends' and 'family'. You can't get on with everyone and cultures can collide massively. Still, there is always alcohol. To drown them in.
5) They make you share. The TV remote used to be my domain and I could watch Four Weddings and Gossip Girl to my hearts content. Not so anymore. It's called sharing and I dislike it immensely especially as Mr H likes to subject me to golf. Golf! I mean come on, it's not even a sport. It's just a bunch of pot-bellied men in bad clothing swinging a club. It's positively moronic.
6) They bring out your inner monster. I confess to liking my own space. Mornings are a crucial time for me to wake up slowly and register that I am in fact alive. I then go through the process of switching on my brain and learning to talk again. Mr H wakes up like he's on speed and then proceeds to jab me awake and unfortunately, at that time of day, I don't have the hand eye coordination to punch him.

Friday, 9 March 2012

Is Pinterest bad for you?


I recently read this post by Ali Trachta on 'Why Pinterest makes me feel like I'm bad at being a woman'. (Read it here) I read it and then re-read it and a light bulb flashed and brain cells whizzed around and connected to make the resounding feeling of agreement. I had been wondering why over the past few months, my addiction to Pinterest had been waning and now I see why.
I started pinning recipes, foodie images that looked like something I could rustle up. Then I pinned D.I.Y projects that I wanted to get involved with and then it moved to clothing that I wanted which then led to diets that I needed to go on in order to fit said clothes....you can see where I am going with that one. Yet with every board, there is the sense of failure. I've hardly attempted half of the recipes I 'like' and 'pin' and my D.I.Y efforts are a shambles. I'm no closer to my goal weight though I do seem to be letting my inner Whale free. I am beginning to fear that there are millions of women out there who seem to be achieving all three things without breaking into a sweat.
Currently, I'm looking at a board that says 'The places I'd like to visit'. How nice for you. I'd also like to visit those but between the knitting of a woolie scarf and the 'drink nothing but lemon juice and green tea' diet I'm trying, it's going to be a little tricky.
Perhaps I have it all wrong, perhaps I'm meant to be uplifted by the images that show me that what I hope for can be possible with perseverance (and money). However, I think I should start pinning photos of the real me; a real woman at home with her slouchy pants on, cookie in one hand TV remote in the other and the dog licking her feet. But would that inspire anyone? 

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Local loves: Nest Designs

I'm a bit of an organisational freak. It is perhaps an OCD. I like things to be in certain places and used for certain things. This doesn't mean I'm neat, I can have an incredibly messy room and still be at peace. Anyone else get me?
Well, we've just moved into a house, from a flat, and naturally, there is a lot more space. Space for me to fill with all my things (Poor Mr H). We've got a long way to go on redecorating, but that doesn't stop a girl from looking and wanting and wishing.
For my clean lines and slightly vintage-feel needs, I adore Nest Designs and have made a mental note of all the items I'm going to have to coerce Mr H into approving. I want a white kitchen and these items will be perfect.

1) I've got a fetish for herbs, especially Basil and Mint, and I do like this sign.
2) My cookery book collection is growing and needs a sightly case.
3) The only probem with this tin, is that it will constantly be empty.
4) This is our house motto!

Check out the website for more lovely things.

Monday, 5 March 2012



It's that time again, the bake-off has returned. It has been a few months since we last divulged in yummy treats and found ourselves rolling out of the Grand Daddy hotel (see here). It's about time we did that again. Here's how it works, I recommend a few dates and my team sets to work on the location and the invites.

So, here are some dates: 11th/17th/18th/24th of March. The time would be around Brunch 11-2pm and the only requirement, is that you make and bake something delicious to eat. This can be savoury or it can be sweet,  and depending on how many people want to do what, we may lean that way.

It's your turn to either comment on this post. Tweet me. Facebook me. Email me. Stalk me (but I would prefer not to have to deal with that)

If you're wondering why you should come to a bake-off, here are 3 amazing reasons:

1) You get to eat really good food. Lots of really good food.
2) You get to meet new and lovely people.
3) You get to do a little business. If you're a baker by trade then you get a chance to impress. If you're a jewellery designer, wear your products and the same goes with all the other ventures you're into. It's a good place to show off.