Tuesday, 13 March 2012

How to survive...


Shopping together as a couple can be a nightmare of note. The female party usually has a range of stores that she needs to visit and re-visit whilst the male knows exactly where he wants to go thus making the trip for him a prolonged hell. Mr H is fortunate in that I loathe shopping with anyone. For me, the thought of being with someone makes me want to kill myself as I am constantly worrying whether they are okay and if they need the loo or a sit down or a drink etc. I love to shop by myself, less guilt and no disapproving looks of 'Oooh, ouch, your thighs don't like that.' This means that Mr H and I rarely go shopping but if we do, we make it a fun occasion so that neither party feels bored or suicidal.
Here's a few handy tips to surviving the shopping trips together:

1) Imitate Mannequins. Whenever you pass a shop window with a mannequin in it, you must do that pose until you come to another figure. The best poses are the ones where you have to squat-walk whilst awkwardly holding your hands on your hips.
2) Pretend you don't know each other. Head to La Senza or another lingerie shop, at a different time, and pick up something saucy. Randomly ask your man (whom you are pretending you don't know) whether it looks nice and then model it for him in the changing room. Buy it or leave it but make sure you exit the shop separately.
3) Get a Cinnabon. Nothing passes the time like munching on sweet, sickly goodness.
4) Take a nap. Find a House & Home or another furniture store, choose a couch, sleep.
5) Ask him to pick out an outfit. If you are clothes shopping, the bane of any man's life, make him more a part of it by telling him that if he is patient, he can pick any outfit, be it lingerie, for you to try on. Whatever it is, wear it with pride for him.
6) Play away the stress. Head to a Musica or a Look & Listen and go to the gaming section. Spend 5-10 mins kicking his ass on one of their demo games. He'll be too gutted to whinge about the rest of the shopping trip.
7)  Get in trouble. I used to do this with a friend (it's probably the reason why we don't shop together anymore), I would take a pair of pants - the ones on a hanger - and secretly attach it to her person. She would walk around the shop not knowing about it until the security guard went a bit bat sh!t crazy on her. Perhaps a little harsh but it's funnier doing it to a guy.

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