Monday, 12 March 2012

The trouble with relationships


I should narrow the title down to, the trouble with marriage, as that's where I'm at now. Don't get me wrong though, I love being Mrs H and I have been so blessed in being with such a superb manly specimen however, whilst it is amazing, there are a few downsides:

1) They make you fat. Before I was in a relationship, I was anal about food. Now, I've hit that comfortable plateau whereby I look at a cake and think 'he loves me for me', then I eat the whole thing.
2) They make you haughty. 'Ooooh look at me with my partner', says the couple as they parade their love around and make sickening puckering noises as they eat each others necks. Yes, I do that.
3) They make you lazy. Gone are the days of keeping my legs eternally smooth and my hair hasn't seen a straightener in months.
4) They bring with them new 'friends' and 'family'. You can't get on with everyone and cultures can collide massively. Still, there is always alcohol. To drown them in.
5) They make you share. The TV remote used to be my domain and I could watch Four Weddings and Gossip Girl to my hearts content. Not so anymore. It's called sharing and I dislike it immensely especially as Mr H likes to subject me to golf. Golf! I mean come on, it's not even a sport. It's just a bunch of pot-bellied men in bad clothing swinging a club. It's positively moronic.
6) They bring out your inner monster. I confess to liking my own space. Mornings are a crucial time for me to wake up slowly and register that I am in fact alive. I then go through the process of switching on my brain and learning to talk again. Mr H wakes up like he's on speed and then proceeds to jab me awake and unfortunately, at that time of day, I don't have the hand eye coordination to punch him.

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