Monday, 16 April 2012

How to argue properly as a man

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1) Don't let her cry. Once the tears start falling you will feel obligated to comfort her and eat a huge amount of humble pie meaning that your argument will become invalid and you will have lost any ground you had.

2) Always listen. There is nothing worse than waking up mid-argument to realize that you have been thinking about the rugby and have no idea why she is starting to burn your collection of Just Jinjer Cd's.

3) Don't raise your voice. She will instinctively raise hers and this will escalate to harsh words, slammed doors and sulking.

4) Conserve your energy. You think that after one round of arguments that the woman will be quite happy to forgive and forget, not so. She will harbour your words and use them against you at a later stage. Pray that it is the same day and be prepared to slug it out.

5) Don't bring in outside people. Never ever bring in to the argument that your friends think she is over-reacting. If you value your testicles and where they reside now you will keep your mouth shut.

6) Never compare her to your past girlfriends. This is freakin' obvious but let me elaborate further, don't even compare her to her mother of any other woman for that matter. Where she is concerned, there exists no other female on the planet.

7) Keep eye contact but don't go overboard to the point of not blinking and letting your eyes dry out to teeny tiny raisins. That's just weird.

8) When PMS strikes, it may be best for you to leave the country for a few days. We all know what happens, she'll start to take offence to every thing you say. She'll be overly emotional, clumsy and forgetful and you'll unfortunately be the one to answer the insecure questions of - "Does it look like I've put on 3kgs?"/"Would eating two 180g bars of chocolate be excessive?"/"Can I hide this pimple with my fringe?". Dude, the only answers you need to give at this time and in any argument that transpires during 'The Crimson Wave' are: "Baby, you look so cute in those comfy pants.", "Are you sure you don't want me to buy you some brownie ice cream?" and "Pimple? I thought that was a beauty spot."

And finally

9) If she is harbouring past wounds, hold her - unless of course she is so angry that she is having to clench her teeth - hold her and tell her why you love her. Tell her that you're in it for the long run and what you said in the past doesn't hold a torch against what you feel right now.

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