Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Testing the waters of marriage

It's calm on the shore but when you're in the middle of the ocean, fighting off your own demons and trying to save your love from drowning, it's awfully hard to see it.

Sometimes, even despite the warnings, you can go into something with rose-tinted glasses and the reality can hit you like brain freeze. I love being married. I love being married to my best friend. But it's bloody hard. Mainly because I constantly fight it all the time as I find it hard to believe that someone would honestly want to be legally bound to me for all eternity and not have a hidden agenda.

When I push and pull away it causes fractures, tiny breaks in the fabric of our relationship, yet instead of running for the hills, Mr H carefully sews us back together. Then we start all over again. Knowing that he can withstand all I have to throw at him and knowing that he is waiting patiently for me on the shore just re-afirms how valuable he is to me. 

We all have baggage and those voices in our heads that tell us we're not good enough and that people only want to screw us over. The thing is, those feelings are unlikely to leave but our loves will. How long can you push someone away without them packing their bags and departing for good. It's remembering that you're both in it together, as a team and that being on the shore is where you want to be, not raging in the storm or drifting apart.

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