Tuesday, 8 May 2012

X-rated Cinema goers

Pinned Image

You've just bought the popcorn, smuggled in the salt and vinegar shaker and you're all ready for the movie to start when someone next to you starts giggling. The people in front of you are messing around on their phones. The person behind you seems to be chewing on firecrackers and you swear you can hear someone crying already. There is always that group of annoying individuals who threaten to totally ruin your viewing pleasure.

The Cacklers. Ripping through the silence with a laugh that would curdle milk and scare a Rottweiler, these people are the ones you pray not to be seated next to because their belly shakes are enough to give you motion sickness.
The Couples. Feeding each other their tongues and making like the cinema isn't full of people who have just eaten a load of popcorn. I don't remember paying to watch a porno.
Those on their phones. That blue glare and the incessant tapping, why bother paying to come here? Hey sweetheart, you know that bit in Alien when the creature bursts out of people's chests, well that will be my fist forcing through your rib cage if you don't turn it off.
The Noisy Eaters. The hero is about to kiss the girl, the violins are playing, the atmosphere is electric and then someone starts crunching madly on their popcorn and slurping up their coke. All you can do is hope that they choke. Silently.
The 'Did you see that?' Person. Everyone has that 'special' friend who insists on whacking you on the arm and loudly whispering to you after every good bit, 'did you just see that?'. No dude, I paid R40 to come sit here and stare at the floor.
The Theorists. And then you have the friend who picks apart the entire film whilst you're watching it, offering you deep theoretical insights into every moment and basically forcing you to stuff your empty popcorn box down their throat.
The Weepies. Oh gosh, I can't help it, I am that annoying person who sobs uncontrollably during any emotional part in a film. Sue me.

No comments:

Post a Comment