Thursday, 18 October 2012

How to: upstage the Bride

Wedding party shot.

Mr H and I are attending a wedding on the 20th. It's the wedding of Mr H’s best man so it’s going to be pretty magical. Fortunately, I have my dress picked as before I left the UK, I bought quite a few dresses and so I’m prepared for at least 3 more weddings. What struck me though was that, had I not already got a dress and should I have had to buy one, at the fore-front of my mind and the mind of self-respecting females the world-over, is the command, ‘don’t choose a dress that will upstage the bride’. Indeed, they should make it a law because there is nothing worse that spending months planning your special and perfect day to have some trollop rock up in white, layered in diamonds and flirting with your groom. Don’t worry, that didn’t happen at my wedding, family upstaged me instead *cough*. Anyway, I got to thinking of ways that one could upstage the Bride (because I’m funny like that) and here’s my list:

Wearing white. It’s almost sacrilegious and though it’s been said for decades, it is still number one. There are exceptions of course when the Bride and Groom set the colour palate or when the Bride herself wears a colour dress but in any other circumstance, don’t do it. The Bride is to be a shining angel.
Wearing a ridiculous amount of 'bling'. Flashing your huge-ass diamond ring in every one's face and gently shaking your head so people can hear the tiny chimes of crystals and pearls hanging from your ears is just showing-off. I remember reading in a Bridal magazine about a bridesmaid who hired jewellery to stand out from the other bridesmaids. It didn't go down well.
Flirting with the groomsmen. Just because you look hot and you're single does not mean you can take the focus away from the happy couple by having all the guys ogling over you. Your bum doesn't need to be told if it looks perfect in a dress and your bra straps don't need any help in being tightened.
Bringing up the grooms or the brides exes. This could very well start a war and they should never ever be mentioned. A story that begins with 'remember when you were dating that guy/girl...' is a que for evil stares.
Starting drinking games. Throwing back the tequila, wobbling towards the bride with a shot of something horrific and then half spilling it over her will make you look like an idiot.
Complaining. It's not your day so get over the fact that they are dancing to a cheesy 80's track, the cake has fruit in it, the wedding photos are taking forever and their isn't any alcohol. Force a smile and be happy for the couple.
Not dancing. Sitting there looking like a slapped arse and not trying to have a little fun is pathetic. Wedding's are a chance to look a little idiotic and let your hair down. It's a happy occasion, one to be remembered.
Not bringing a present. We had this at our wedding and I'm not saying that it's all about the presents but even a card would have been nice, something to save for future years. Don't be a cheapskate and come for the free food because believe me, the Bride will not be forgiving and she'll think twice about inviting you to future birthdays or baby showers.

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha, love it. Reminds me of when my dad's new girlfriend (who no one liked, with good reason) showed up at my dad's mom's funeral wearing a crisp white pantsuit. Have you ever!?