Monday, 5 November 2012

The 5 most annoying guests at a wedding

Wedding Party
There's always a few one person at a wedding that has made it their mission in life to offer some sort of misery or malice to the proceedings. Here's five gruesome guests to look out for:

The slapped-arse. The chick who inwardly is raging about the fact that a) she has been with her boyfriend for years and has no ring to show for it or b) she has no significant other to be with and has to deal with many a dateless situation. Ignoring them is the trick, that and a paper bag.

The drunk friend. Slurring and slobbering all over you, these guys think they are the life and soul of the party but just end up embarrassing themselves by being a pain in the butt. They will be found on the dance floor trying to break-dance but actually looking like a whale dry-humping. Taking photos of their misadventures and posting them on every social media network can help turn them around.

The plus one. They are only there because your friend felt lonely or your partner wanted to do their cousin a favour. I hate the plus one. They don’t know you and often won’t appear on their partners arm for too much longer once the wedding is over. We had one situation where I had to personally ask one guy’s plus one to come because the guy was threatening not to be there. What a tool. Needless to say, she didn’t greet me nor offer me anything in the way of a ‘congratulation’. Oh, and they left straight after eating. Grow balls and say no.

The opinionated family member. One of the unspoken rules of any wedding is that the people who haven’t put a penny towards the wedding are always the ones with the most opinions. They believe that because they are in some way related to you, they should have a say on everything from the engagement, the bachelors, the wedding and beyond. A swift kick in the genitals would be my ideal solution.

The demon child. Spoilt rotten by their naive parents, these brats are the ones who scream through the ceremony, run around during photos and steal bits of the cake when no-one is looking. The parents won't discipline them but, depending how old they are, whispering in their ears that Father Christmas isn't real or that they are adopted might send them into such a state of shock that you can leave them in a corner somewhere.

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