Wednesday, 26 September 2012

When Labradors eat poo...and other horrible stories


Yes, I am a dog person. It hasn't always been this way. I used to just be a me person but then I got married and am now an 'our' person. 
Getting married came with a dog, (I'm not referring to my husband) Mia, who I have introduced to you before and she is our 3-year old black Labrador. She is beautiful. We drove down from Johannesburg with her when she was a wee puppy and she kept Mr H company whilst I was in England.
Then came Ferdi, our golden Labrador and the naughtiest creature in the world. He eats through my magazines. Digs holes. Jumps walls and eats poo. Not just his own poo but Mia's too. It's disgusting, it's foul. It freaks me out because then he comes bounding over to me wanting to lick my feet and hands and I want to just vomit on his head. He'd probably eat that too. The thing is, it's become such a norm that Mr H and I have found the positives in it: 1) It saves us having to clean the garden. He's like our very own vacuum cleaner. And 2) He gets a mid-morning snack.
I know, you're reading this and judging me but honestly guys, we have tried everything. We feed him super nice puppy food. We yell at him when he starts slinking over to a pile of warm steaming turd but it is all to no avail. In the end, we turn our shameful gaze away.
What's more, is that now we're looking after my parent's dog as they have moved back to the UK and he is the king of silent yet deadly farts. Anything from rotten cabbage to putrid eggs have risen out of that ass and eroded our nasal passages. He even has these shifty side-eyes and half-smile that makes me wanna smother him.
(Shifty side-eyes)

But, I'm a dog person and dog people do this because frankly, we're mad in the head.

Photos taken by me

Monday, 24 September 2012

Emmy Fashion

The Emmys is always a colourful affair and people lie to themselves, as with every award show, that it's about taking an award, a title home but for Hollywood's Glamourites it is all about the dresses.
What was apparent at this year's Emmys were the very different camps in terms of colour - blues were killing it this year. And the evident Grecian and Horror theme, the latter throwing some hideous dresses our way.
So for your entertainment and judgement, here's my pick of the best and worst.

The Blue Belles
1) Sofia Vergara rocked in Zuhair Murad - this is so different and so gorgeous.
2) Zooey Deschanel in Reem Acra. Doesn't she look so lovely and floaty-light
3) Julianne Hough wore my favorite gown. This Georges Hobieka Couture dress was almost mythical


The Goddesses
1) Hayden Panettiere in Marchesa
2) Heidi Klum showing a little too much leg for my liking in Alexandre Vauthier

The Light Side
1) Julie Bowen in Monique Lhuillier looks a tad like mutton-dressed-as-lamb with that hair
2) Julianne Moore in Dior Couture
3) Leslie Mann makes a bright statement in Naeem Khan
4) Claire Danes making pregnancy pretty in Lanvin. I think she looks radiant.

The Dark Side
1) January Jones in Zac Posen looks uncomfortable and I can only imagine how she went to the loo.
2) Glenn Close is so far from looking lovely that it pains me.
3) Lena Headey, someone needs to tell you Game of Thrones is just a TV show.

 The Ugly 
1) Jena Malone  needs to climb back into whatever dark, damp basement she crawled out of in this J Mendel nightmare.
2) Amy Poehler chose the wrong Stella McCartney dress and obviously no bra. Go Home.


Tuesday, 18 September 2012

So Lush!

Darlings, oh my goodness! I am so excited right now to hear the news that Lush are opening a store at the V & A Waterfront. This is amazing. I used to work at Lush in a wee city called Leeds. It was fantastic. I became a master of all things natural and good-for-you. I can tell you that lemon is good for shine for your hair but also for mattifying oily skin. Rasoul mud is a perfect pore cleanser and seaweed is great for dry skin. Obviously I don't just randomly sprout this information at strangers but I certainly missed Lush when I moved over the the UK because they offer such lovely products that make you feel divine.
If you have never heard of them or you've never experienced what they offer, here are a few of my favorite and much missed items:

1) Honey I washed The Kids - a honeycomb sweet soap that leaves you smelling and feeling so soft and edible.
2) Fairy Jasmine - The master of bathbombs. I usually hate Jasmine (sometimes it smells a little like urine) but this bomb explodes into a shower of violet sparkles that leave you feeling like a Princess. Mr H once made the mistake of having a bath after me and came out looking like a fairy. Delightful
3) Buffy - Not only is it named after my favourite kick-ass heroine, but it 'buffs' those hard and stubborn dry areas away.
4) Big - Don't be fooled into thinking that this will create fly-away hair. No, this stuff just tames the frizz, gives you bounce and smells like the ocean.
5) Seanik - Shampoo bars are the way to go. I have had mine for 2 years. I kid you not. I use it once every week as a hair rescue mask. It's fresh smelling and makes your hair silky soft because of the seaweed it in.
6) Soft Coeur - A massage bar filled with cocoa butter and chocolate pieces that makes you want to eat yourself. Literally, you will not be able to prevent yourself from licking your skin.

Thursday, 13 September 2012

Things I have learnt from Cape Town

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1) People have funny accents. I think that is down to Trever Noah. It's his fault that I listen out for 'Show dem'.
2) People are seriously laid back. It's called the Mother City for a reason, everything takes 9 months to get done. It doesn't help my procrastination levels but I sure as hell love chilling out here.
3) Wind on a hot day is not cool. Only in CT will you find hot winds. In the UK, if it is windy then you wrap up in your woolies.
4) I find that the glass ceiling here is tough. Men dominate and women are required to accept that although, that may just be from my experiences in older companies.
5) The arts are celebrated. Music gigs are a dime-a-dozen and the comedy is top notch. I love that there is so much emphasis on creativity and imagination.
6) People eat some funny stuff. Ox tail stew. Carmelized watermelon. It makes me feel queasy.
7) Beer is part of the staple diet. You cannot tear a man away from a cold-one. The Bierfest is coming up too this week and you can win tickets here
8) Grapes! More importantly, wine. That amazing liquid that inspires and delights and draws masses of tourists to Cape Town. I adore it.
9) There are a ridiculous amount of bakeries. Almond Croissants from Cassis. Red Velvet cupcakes from Lady Cupcake. Macaroons from Petite Bouchee. That summer body is looking less and less attainable.
10) Cape Town has amazing markets. You'll find beautiful crafts, delicious food and awesome people at the markets. Willow Bridge market on a Saturday does gluten-free sausages which are very hard to come by and taste freakin' good. For other markets check here

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Wednesday Wonders

There are times in every writers' lives when they question their own abilities at creating life from words. We all fall into the trap of feeling inadequate; void of all imagination. We often lose that special ability, that magical energy called inspiration.

My parents and siblings are moving back to the UK this month. My sister, with her special needs, requires a better education facility, something that she won't get over here. The schooling over here, unless you give up both kidneys, is - without wanting to sound snobbish - not as good as the UK. And to give my brother and sister the best chance in life, my parents have made that painful decision to go back. It has of course affected me. I feel a little lost, as though I'm merely 'passing' the days until they leave. It has had an affect on my writing. I can't seem to verbalize or to confine my thoughts to paper.

However, I am reminded of the phrase "Not all who wonder are lost'. I am telling myself not to be disheartened. I know that it will pick up again. The smiles will once again be genuine. The images even more vivid and for those who have lost their 'spark', it never ever left you. The way we tap into it has just altered.




Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Tuesday Truths


1) Playing ACDC'S Highway to Hell at a funeral after-gathering, is both awkward and amusing.
2) Whilst Charly's Bakery make nasty baked goods,  their designs are awesome.
3) Great Danes are huge! But they have such lovely temperaments. True gentle giants.
4) A lot of hotels in SA don't seem to know how to calculate VAT. Having spent the last 2 weeks editing invoices and helping reservation staff at some very high-end hotels to re-calculate, I have decided that I should be getting paid with mass Spa Treatments.
5) Chocolate cookies cure heartache but also cause extreme sugar sweats.
6) Change is good. But change is also heartbreaking. My parents have decided to move back to the UK this month.....more on that tomorrow though.
7) Never let your man near Makro. You will wind up with mass amounts of toilet paper, a new kettle and Johnnie Walker variants that were apparently on 'special'.
8) The Avengers is made awesome by the Hulk and Loki. I'm such a comic nerd and that movie makes me happy.
9) 30 seconds brings out the crazy. Watching Mr H frown and animatedly point between his legs to describe 'Sad Sack'....IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS AND SIBLINGS is the funniest yet most mortifying thing ever!
10) DV Artisan chocolate rocks my socks. Visit them at Seidelberg for an amazing cocoa experience. Leave weighing 10kgs more.