Monday, 22 April 2013

Flight etiquette



I'm finally back from a wonderful trip to England to see the family. Time spent absorbing history, walking everywhere and eating enough chocolate to feed a small town was great fun.
The travelling to the UK was a little more stressful and included 4 flights with the shortest change-overs possible. I have to put it out there, Paris airport is a nightmare. Anyway, at 3am in the morning in plane number 3 on my way back to cape Town, I thought about how there really should be universal rules for plane travel.

The Plane rules

1) If you are larger, you should pay more. As soon as I see a fat person I cringe, look around me for other empty seats and then try not to make eye contact. If I see them coming towards me, I try and make myself as large as possible, filling as much as the seat as possible. It's a trick I've seen in TV thrillers - if someone ties you up with a rope, make yourself bigger because that way, in your normal size, you have more room to move about. If they carry so much body weight that it is spilling into your chair and unto your person, beg a steward to move you. No point being uncomfortable on a long-haul plus, the larger person will probably thank you for it.

2) If there is a seat next to you and you sat down first, it's yours. Doesn't matter if you're in the middle and the empty seat is between two of you. If you sat down first, bag that seat. Put your feet up and try and have something that resembles space.

3) Take something to cover your head. No one needs to see your open-mouthed, drool covered face which twitches every 5mins. When I sleep in an upright position, my head lolls and I wake myself up. It's awkward and looks like I'm having a mini stroke. I solved this by taking a large hat that I pulled down over my face.

4) Put your seat up when it's meal time. Have you ever tried to eat a meal when someone's chair is so far back that it's almost touching your nose? Plane food is difficult enough as it is without having to bend your elbows and arms into odd angles in order to use a fork.

5) When it's lights out, be content with just enjoying the slightly darkened environment. Don't be a prat and insist on turning on that glaringly annoying light so that you can pour over 50 shades of grey whilst everyone is sleeping.

Anyone got any others?

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