Wednesday, 10 July 2013

A guy's response to: Madame Zingara


Mr H surprised me yesterday by breaking my theatrical virginity and taking me to Madame Zingara. Glitzy, untamed and unabashed, I got some seriously good vibrations..

As a passing note, here are a few little things that Mr H uttered during the night which led to internal chuckles and near leakage.

During the contortionist:
Mr H: Does she have ribs?
Mr H: She's like cling film but stronger.
Mr H: She's not even breaking a sweat!

During the Russian acrobats
Mr H: It's a fact, the smaller the guy, the bigger the penis!
Mr H: Is this supposed to be gay?
My response: Well you did just comment on their junk.
Mr H: Yeah, but it's just too obvious.

During the bath act (a hot chick messing around in a bath)
Mr H: Imagine being married to that, I'd come home and be like, 'Move, I actually want to take a proper bath!'


And the final comment
Mr H: I don't know about you, but when I get home, I'm going to bench press something really heavy.

All-in-all, a really good night.

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Being Jhordan's Sister

I have had quite a few people ask me "Why the name?" and I held off answering for lack of courage. There were rumors going around that I might be an undercover Princess or even a spy in Her Majesty's Secret Service. However, as it was his birthday on the 7th July, it is time to come clean and spill the beans.


That is my brother Jhordan. A beautiful Mowgli-like boy who was killed in front of me in an accident when he was just 7 and I was 9. The shock of which has altered my life, undone me, cracked my heart and my soul and then re-shaped me again.
I went through my early years, and I still do it slightly now, thinking that the World owes me big time. I often don't see things in an empathic way, preferring to believe myself to be always right because 'I'm the kid who stared at death'. It's not a good mantra for life, it hurts others and it can isolate you. I put up walls (I still do) to protect myself and prefer to disown those who hurt me before they have a chance to up and leave me. I become lost in my own imaginary worlds and like to be private about how I feel.

When I looked at other blogs and their names, they are usually personal accounts of people's lives and I thought, what better name for the domain of my thoughts than that of the one person who has formed and molded me into what I am today. Yes, I am still adapting, still changing; it actually takes years to get over something like that - for all the bull people give you about time equals healing - yes, it hurts less, but you still would rather wish you didn't have that gaping void in your life. I doubt I'll ever be normal but then again, who would want that?

What I can say, is that I've never been bitter or carried resentment against God for it, mainly because it is not His will that anything like this should happen but also because why should I demand that another person's brother die and not mine? Why should I be any different to anyone else? I just continue to move forward - I am now sister to two other siblings who are 12 and 14 and were the healing balm for our family after Jhordan's death.
I am now fitting myself back onto the right path and believe that one day I will see him again, until then, I hope he is proud of me and where I'm going.


p.s, the reason for the H in Jhordan's name is purely a Stafford tradition from my Father's side - Dhenis, Shante, Jhordan, Rohan and Adehle - we're cool like that 

Friday, 5 July 2013

Things to ponder this week

Light it up....
1) Winter needs to get out of here now or someone needs to give me more money for clothes shopping.
2) Tony Goldwyn who plays President Grant in The Fixer (Scandal for all none-SA people) is one of those actors who is simply hideous off screen but in that role....oooh baby.
3) There is a mouse living in my shoes and he laughs at me when I put mouse poison down.
4) I'm far too attached to all my puppies and I'm going to be a sobbing mess tomorrow when I have to say goodbye to 3 of them.
5) I love Bastille and when I listen to Pompei, I want to start marching....I don't know where though
6) Birthdays are weird things. People celebrate the fact they where, once,  way too close to their mother's private parts and that they are getting older and often, not much wiser.
7) I often live by this motto: "If all else fails, take a nap."
8) I love Lush, but when I go into the store I get accosted by sales people who make me want to take their fluffy wuffy strawberry soap that smells like angel farts and rub it in their eyes.
9) Perhaps I have anger issues? Nothing that can't be solved by...
10) Gluhwein cake... Cinnamon,chocolate and Altydgedacht Pinotage by The Velvet Cake Company.