Monday, 12 May 2014

Guest etiquette: How to be simply awesome

I'm an Organizer. That is my newly appointed title amongst my circle of familiars. I'm super happy to throw events and plan catch-ups and...

This is my first post of 2014 *gasp*. Blogging requires serious will power and something to say...both of which, I have been lacking. I'm going to put it down to:
  1. Renovations (yes, they are still ongoing)
  2. Work. Drinking wine is very tiring
  3. General laziness caused by Summer
But I am now back (with brutal honesty), and with experience that I hope will be beneficial to the socialites out there.
Having instigated Wine & Dine evenings at our house (5 in total) plus a Bake-off and other random evenings of over-indulgence, I can see now what works, what personalities clash, how well I handle stress (not that well, weird hey) and, I can now offer up help to all future Hutton guests.

From my many throw-downs, this is my top list of how to be the best guest ever AND, to guarantee a second invite.

1) Respond to an invite in a timely fashion and don't BS. If you don't want to attend, never wait till the last minute and offer weak excuses. A decent excuse would be the following, "My toilet is leaking all over my house and it smells like a cess pool." OR, "My car suddenly turned into a Transformer and has kidnapped me."
The worst excuse I have ever received was a no-show from a once close friend who, months later, messaged me to say, "Sorry I didn't show up and didn't tell you, I was scared of what you might say." - you would think I was some beast...only in the mornings.
2) If the invite states a dress code, adhere to it! If it's fancy dress and others have made the effort to look the part, don't rock up in normal garb and expect the host(ess) to be amused.
I have killer friends who put Madame Zingara to shame.
3) You cannot hog people/the host. Social events are, well, social. This isn't a time for you to unleash a week of woe and stress on the host, no matter how close you are.
A good host needs to make sure that everyone is having a good time and they can't do that if you're talking their ear off. PLUS, don't take over everyone's conversations. Learn when to listen.
4) At the end of the event/party/gathering, if it's in the host's house, don't sit there and watch them clean up after you. I, personally, will never want help unless you are my mother, but it's the actually offering that warms my cockles.
5) If there is a time frame to the event e.g. 6 till 9, bugger off at 9 UNLESS the host asks you to stay. Don't stare incredulously at them when they start tapping their watch or casually throw a coat at your face. This isn't your house, and you weren't up in the wee hours of the morning cleaning, cooking and decorating.
6) Don't drink all the booze. If you're a big drinker, best you be bringing your own alcohol.
7) Don't wander off and start poking around in places you don't belong. This is someone's personal residence, not a museum for you to tour. And don't go through my wine fridge.
8) Do believe me when I say that if you flirt with my husband, I will put you down like a rabid dog. Yes, I actually have to put that in this list.
9) Do expect to have your picture taken in some compromising angles. I like to keep mementos for future parties/formal occasions in which I can embarrass a certain individual....etc.


10) Thank the host. That's just manners and your parents should have taught you that.

And that is how you get re-invited to The Huttons. Now I shall pour myself a drink and wait for the fallout - I can see Mr H giving me disapproving looks already.

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